But something has happened. Now, although this is a blog, and therefore essentially an online diary, I'm not going to tell you what happened, because it is a personal matter to do with my family. But I am going to say this:
There is not strictly speaking 'good', 'evil', 'right', 'wrong' or a correct order of the universe. Our actions are either 'sensible', 'silly', or 'reasonable'. Everyone in my family is being 'silly'. The crying is 'reasonable'. Some of the things that were said were 'reasonable'. The rest were extremely 'silly' to the point they can only be labelled as 'stupid'. Whatever happens next will be decided today. November the first, twenty-twelve, the start of Dark Dragon's life really. I feel angry and I want to rip things apart and smash them and I also feel vulnerable as if a hole will open in my chest and my blood will quietly drain away like smoke and I will just crumple. All sides of the family argument think that I am blameless and a helpful bridge between them. I am beyond neutral. I am 'a very grown up girl' and 'coping well' and 'I'm sorry to dump this on you but...' and FUCKING HELL SHUT UP AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK TOGETHER. JUST LOVE YOUR FUCKING FAMILY. WE SHARE THE SAME GENES FOR FUCK'S SAKE. LOVE YOUR SPOUSE AND YOUR CHILDREN, LOVE YOUR PARENTS!
They're being friend's for the minute because Dad needs to go to hospital, but when they get the results of these tests Things will be decided.
I love my life, you know? I have a really big house, a pet snake, a loving family, great great GREAT friends, an Xbox 360, all the books I could read... I don't want to loose my loving family. Well, okay, all sides think I'm a great person, and no matter what happens I will stay in contact with all of them, but I want them all under one roof, co-operating.
Actually this kind of shit has happened before. They argue for about a month and then forget about it. But these things have been piling up...
Anyhow, happy 1st of November!
Dark Dragon
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